Age-Friendly Conversations
Age-Friendly Conversations
Patricia Oh, PhD, MSW
Patricia Oh, PhD, MSW
University of Maine Center on Aging
Consortium for Aging Policy, Research, and Analysis
Embedded Files
When we listen, we hear someone into existence. Laurie Buchanan
Communication is at the heart of age-friendly initiatives. Whether you are engaging community members in conversations about the projects you are undertaking, discussing policy changes you would like to see, recruiting volunteers, or connecting people to resources and social opportunities, the way you communicate makes all the difference.
Think about it this way: every conversation you have is a chance to build trust, share important information, and strengthen your community. When you communicate well, people feel heard and valued. They are more likely to get involved, stay engaged, and help spread the word about age-friendly initiatives.
Communication is critical to engage community members in projects, services, and activities you are developing to make your city or town more welcoming for all, a place where all ages thrive.
Communication - the Key to Engaging Community Members
Communication - the Key to Engaging Community Members
Building Community Support: When you talk with neighbors about age-friendly projects, clear communication helps them understand why these efforts matter. It shows how changes will benefit everyone, not just older adults. Good communication turns skeptics into supporters and supporters into champions.
Growing Your Volunteer Team: Finding and keeping volunteers requires honest, welcoming communication. People need to know what they are signing up for, how much time it will take, and what skills they can contribute. When expectations are clear from the start, volunteers feel confident and ready to help.
Connecting People to Help: Many community members do not know what resources are available to them. As a volunteer, you often serve as a bridge between people and the services they need. How you share this information can mean the difference between someone getting help or giving up in frustration.
Why Your Approach Matters
Why Your Approach Matters
The same message can have completely different results depending on how you deliver it. A warm, patient conversation builds relationships. A rushed or unclear exchange can create confusion or leave someone feeling unheard.
However, effective communication is not just about talking. It is also about listening, understanding, and adapting your approach to meet each person where they are. The goal is always connection and understanding, not just conveying your message.
This chapter will help you develop the skills to communicate effectively in various situations — including advocating for change, recruiting volunteers, and helping someone feel comfortable participating in an age-friendly program, activity, or service. Mastering the fine art of conversation and storytelling will make your age-friendly work more rewarding and is key to making your community more welcoming and supportive for everyone.
Beyond Words - When Conversations Become Movements
Beyond Words - When Conversations Become Movements
10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation. Celeste Headlee, radio host and author, describes 10 key ingredients for a great conversation Click here to watch Celeste's Ted Talk
Real change in our communities doesn't happen through social media posts or angry debates. It happens during one-on-one conversations when people listen to each other.
Age-friendly community leaders tell us that the most effective method for recruiting volunteers, forming partnerships with local groups and organizations, and advocating for change is a one-on-one conversation. Your ability to have meaningful conversations with neighbors, community members, and even those who disagree with you can be your most powerful tool for engaging others in your age-friendly initiative.
Celeste Headlee reminds us of 10 things to keep in mind when we have a conversation with someone about age-inclusive communities or when we are trying to encourage participation in an age-friendly activity, service or program.
Why This Matters for Community Change
Why This Matters for Community Change
When you're working to improve your community, you're not just sharing information – you're building relationships. Whether you're talking to someone about an age-friendly project, volunteering, attending a community meeting, or supporting more accessible public spaces the way you have that conversation matters more than what you say.
People don't change their minds because of facts and statistics. They change because they feel heard, understood, and respected. When you master the art of real conversation, you're not just sharing a message – you're a neighbor building bridges.
The Bottom Line
The Bottom Line
Every person you meet knows something you don't about your community. Every conversation is an opportunity to learn something new and form a genuine connection. In a world where people are more divided than ever, your ability to have genuine conversations with others isn't just a nice skill to have – it's essential for creating the kind of age-friendly community change that actually lasts.
Are you interested in having conversations that help you find the skills, talents, and interests that people have to contribute to your Age-Friendly Community Initiative, visit the Resources in Action Chapter.
Resources - Building Connections Through Stories
Resources - Building Connections Through Stories
Institutions grow with data
Movements grow with stories
~Cormac Russell
As your age-friendly initiative progresses and you practice the art of conversation, you will gather stories about the resilience of community members, the strengths present in your community, and the impact of your work. These stories are key to cultivate an age-friendly movement.
Sharing the strengths that already exist in your community can inspire people about the potential for a more inclusive environment for individuals of all ages. Highlighting examples of the resilience demonstrated by older community members ensures their involvement in planning and implementing changes that benefit everyone. As you advance with age-friendly projects, sharing narratives of the impact of change on community members will engage partners and community members alike.
Stories don't just entertain – they build bridges between people and create understanding.
Think about it: when someone shares data or facts with you, how do you feel? Now think about when someone adds to the data by telling you a story about the impact of age-friendly on a community member. Which one sticks with you longer? Which one makes you care more? Stories possess a unique power that numbers and statistics lack.
As Cormac Russell explains, "People hate the truth. People especially hate the naked truth. But if you wrap the truth, even the naked truth, in the veil of a story, people flock to listen." Real change happens when people connect through shared experiences and understanding. Age-Friendly stories tell us how people overcome challenges. Every person you meet has valuable stories to tell.
The following video and handout will help you develop the communication skills needed to share stories effectively, listen with empathy, and build the kind of meaningful relationships that make communities more age-friendly for everyone.
Would you like to learn more about all things age-friendly data? It is challenging to balance the need to collect quantitative information — how many attended, how many sand buckets were distributed — with powerful stories that demonstrate the impact on your community. To get a few hints and tips, visit our skill chapter, More than Numbers - Data and stories to show outcomes and short-term impact.
Cormac Russell. The Value of Stories
This short, 4-minute video, describes the method Cormac Russell uses to tell stories about community impact. His model, the story of Truth and Story, emphasizes that stories are the seeds of social change. Cold data is devoid of meaning unless stories are added to bring depth and mobilize people to work alongside age-friendly.
Age-Friendly Story Map.pdfApplication - Age-Friendly Storytelling Guide
Application - Age-Friendly Storytelling Guide
Finding Your Story's Purpose. Before you start writing your story, spend a few minutes thinking about why you want to tell it. What do you hope to accomplish? Here are some common reasons for crafting and sharing community stories:
Finding Your Story's Purpose. Before you start writing your story, spend a few minutes thinking about why you want to tell it. What do you hope to accomplish? Here are some common reasons for crafting and sharing community stories:
To illustrate community strengths
Are you trying to get local partners involved by showing how your community has worked together before?
Do you want to highlight commonly held values that bring your community together with a shared purpose?
To inspire action
Are you hoping to attract new volunteers?
Do you want to show your town leaders that your work is making a real difference?
Start with the Message. Sometimes it helps to determine the moral or take-aways of your story first. What's the key point you want people to remember after they hear your story?
Start with the Message. Sometimes it helps to determine the moral or take-aways of your story first. What's the key point you want people to remember after they hear your story?
Once you know your purpose and message, you can decide what parts of your story to include and how to tell it.
Try It!
Try It!
Download the worksheet to help you develop a story that supports the important work you're doing in your community. Remember: your purpose shapes how you tell your story.
Optional Reflection -
Optional Reflection -
What was the purpose of the story you developed in the activity? How did you decide which story to tell to illustrate your point? If you have started to tell the story, how did people react?
Click here to complete the first of two reflections in this chapter. Entering the reflection will also record your progress. Important: Complete each section before moving on to its corresponding reflection. When you return to the form, you will automatically be taken to where you last left off.
Connecting Community Members to Resources and Social Opportunities
Connecting Community Members to Resources and Social Opportunities
Leaders and volunteers in Lifelong Maine's Age-Friendly Communities often face a tough question: How do you reach people who have become disconnected from their neighbors and community?
Another common challenge is getting people to use helpful services or join activities that could improve their lives.
The Reality We Face. Here's what we've learned: You can't make someone use resources, even when those resources would clearly help them. You can't force people to come to community events or join programs, no matter how good those programs are.
The Reality We Face. Here's what we've learned: You can't make someone use resources, even when those resources would clearly help them. You can't force people to come to community events or join programs, no matter how good those programs are.
But there is something you can do.
A Better Approach. You can start a conversation using ideas from something called Motivational Interviewing. This method helps people discover their own reasons for making positive changes in their lives.
A Better Approach. You can start a conversation using ideas from something called Motivational Interviewing. This method helps people discover their own reasons for making positive changes in their lives.
Motivational Interviewing works because it lets people find their own motivation instead of having someone else tell them what they should do. When people come up with their own reasons for change, they're much more likely to follow through.
Motivational Interviewing works because it lets people find their own motivation instead of having someone else tell them what they should do. When people come up with their own reasons for change, they're much more likely to follow through.
In this video, Dr. Paul Woods describes two main components of MI -- the way a person approaches using MI and the practical skills or tools that structure the conversation.
Click here to wach video on YouTube
Brief Guide to Using Motivational InTerviewing in COmmunities
Brief Guide to Using Motivational InTerviewing in COmmunities
Before Starting, Remember the Power of Empathy. Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are working with. Listen carefully to understand not just what they need, but how they're feeling. Show that you care about their situation and respect their experiences.
PACE PRINCIPLES. The PACE principles of Motivational Interviewing (MI) refer to key attitudes that foster collaboration, respect, empathy, and individual autonomy.
Partnership: Walking alongside the individual, not pulling or pushing them
Acceptance: Meeting the person where they are without judgment or "shoulds"
Compassion: Wanting to help someone move through challenges, which is different from just sympathy or empathy
Evocation: Drawing out the answers and wisdom that the individual already possesses
PACE sets the essential spirit of MI: It creates a safe, respectful, and empowering atmosphere that helps people resolve ambivalence and find their own motivation for change. Approaching conversations with PACE leads to better engagement, builds trust, reduces resistance, and supports sustainable, self-directed change.
MI TOOLS
Use your O.A.R.S. to steer the conversational boat to increase the resilience and motivation of the person you are working with. These four tools foster communication, build relationships, and elicit a client's intrinsic motivation to make a change by helping them explore their own ambivalence and build confidence in their ability to change.
Ask Open-Ended Questions. Instead of asking questions that only require a "yes" or "no" answer, ask questions that encourage people to share more. The purpose of using open questions is to:
Establish a safe environment, and build a trusting and respectful relationship.
Explore, clarify, and gain an understanding of the community member's world.
Learn about the person’s experience, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
Gather information – let the person do most of the talking but support the person to make an informed decision.
For example:
"What have you enjoyed doing in the past?"
"How are you preventing falls in your home?"
"Tell me more about what you're looking for."
Respond with Authentic Affirmations. These statements validate a client's strengths and efforts, helping to build self-efficacy and a positive self-image. An affirmation takes very little time, but it does require that you listen very carefully to what a person is telling you and find opportunities to acknowledge the positive aspects of their life. The purpose of using affirmation statements is to:
Build rapport; demonstrate empathy; affirm exploration into the person’s world.
Affirm past decisions, abilities, and healthy behaviors.
Build the person’s self-efficacy – an ability to believe they can be responsible for their own decisions and their lives.
Use statements of appreciation, understanding, and positive feedback, such as:
I am so glad you came to the Walk-In Café today – it isn’t always easy the first time.
You are really taking care of yourself when you visit the food pantry to make the healthy food you love.
Practice Reflective Listening. Rephrasing and validating a client's statements helps them feel understood and truly heard, which deepens their engagement and connection with the counselor. The purpose of using reflective listening is to:
Demonstrate that you are listening and trying to understand the person's situation.
Offer the opportunity to “hear” their own words, feelings, and behavior reflected back to them.
Reflect the person’s general experiences.
For example,
Paraphrasing. It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed by the application process.
Reflecting Feelings. It sounds like you're feeling frustrated because you feel like your ideas aren't being heard.
Using Reflection to Highlight Inconsistency. I noticed that you mentioned wanting to protect yourself from falls and think that the Matter of Balance program could help, but you are concerned about taking the class. It sounds like something is getting in the way of protecting yourself from falls by taking the class.
Keep everyone on the same page by Summarizing. Recap key points from the conversation to ensure mutual understanding, highlight motivational arguments, and help solidify next steps.
Click here to download a copy of the Brief Guide to Using MI in Age-Friendly Communities
Why This Matters for Age-Friendly Community Initaitives.
The concepts from Motivational Interviewing can help you work with community members who seem hesitant to get involved. Even when these people can see the benefits of participating, they may still hold back. Using these conversation techniques can help you understand why and find ways to support them that actually work. These communication skills help you:
Why This Matters for Age-Friendly Community Initaitives.
The concepts from Motivational Interviewing can help you work with community members who seem hesitant to get involved. Even when these people can see the benefits of participating, they may still hold back. Using these conversation techniques can help you understand why and find ways to support them that actually work. These communication skills help you:
Talk about sensitive topics, like the need for resources or social isolation.
Build trust with people with different life experiences.
Support people who might feel nervous, confused, or overwhelmed.
Help people feel heard and respected, no matter their background.
Remember: Your role is to walk alongside community members, not to lead them where you think they should go.
Click here to download a copy of the Brief Guide to Using MI in Age-Friendly Communities
Resources - Sample MI Scripts
Resources - Sample MI Scripts
Sample MI Script - Volunteers.pdfSample MI Script--Community Member.pdfApplication - Let's Practice With the "Why" Exercise!
Application - Let's Practice With the "Why" Exercise!
Choose one of these sample scenarios and apply MI interviewing tools to address ambivalence, the person's simultaneous desire to change a behavior and resistance to doing so.
Goal - To practice drawing out a volunteer's or community member's personal motivations and addressing ambivalence using MI techniques.
Volunteer Engagement
Instructions:
Think of an age-friendly volunteer who may be disengaged, has inconsistent attendance, or is considering leaving. Create a fictional scenario based on knowledge of this person for the exercise.
Conduct a "stay interview" (hypothetically). Imagine a low-pressure, collaborative conversation with this volunteer. The goal is to understand their perspective, not to fix their problem. Use these prompts:
Open-ended question: Begin by asking, "What originally motivated you to volunteer with our organization?"
Listen and reflect: Practice reflective listening as the volunteer speaks. For instance, if the volunteer says, "I used to feel like I was making a real difference, but now it feels like a lot of repetitive tasks," you might reflect by saying, "So it sounds like the tangible impact of your past work was more inspiring".
Explore ambivalence: Ask about the pros and cons of their current experience. For example, "What are some of the good things about your time here, and what are some of the less good things?"
Affirm their efforts: Look for any opportunities to affirm their contributions, such as, "I really appreciate your dedication, especially with all the repetitive tasks lately. It shows how much you care".
Summarize and move forward: At the end of the conversation, summarize what was heard. For instance, "So, you've enjoyed the sense of purpose but are looking for more meaningful tasks. It also seems like you value being part of a team." Then, ask a final open-ended question that promotes their autonomy. "Given all of that, what are your thoughts about how we can make your volunteer experience more fulfilling?"
Engaging Community Members
Instructions:
Think of a community member who is isolated and has expressed interest in attending a walking group but hasn't come yet. Create a fictional scenario based on knowledge of this person for the exercise.
Conduct a "join interview" (hypothetically). Imagine a low-pressure, collaborative conversation with this individual about joining a walking group. The goal is to understand their perspective, not to fix their problem. Use these prompts:
Open-ended question: Begin with something like, "I’m curious—what are your thoughts about being part of a group that meets regularly to walk together?"
Listen and reflect: Practice reflective listening. For instance, if the person says, "I want to be more active and enjoy the outdoors but I enjoy my own company," you might reflect by saying, "It sounds like you have some mixed feelings. On one hand, you mentioned that you enjoy being outdoors, and on the other, you’re unsure about participating in a group."
Explore ambivalence: Ask about the pros and cons of joining the group. For example, "What benefits would you experience from joining, even just once or twice?"
Affirm the positive. For example, "It sounds like you value being active and meeting new people. What do you think might get in the way of joining the walking group?"
Summarize and move forward: At the end of the conversation, summarize what was heard. For instance, "I really appreciate your openness. It sounds like you see some benefits, and you have some concerns, but you’re also thinking about ways it could work for you." Then, ask a final open-ended question that promotes their autonomy. "Would you be interested in giving it a try, maybe just once, and see how it feels?"
Optional Reflection. Complete the reflection for the scenario that you practiced.
Optional Reflection. Complete the reflection for the scenario that you practiced.
Volunteers
After completing the hypothetical exercise, reflect on the following:
How does using open-ended questions differ from typical conversations with volunteers?
What new information did you gain about the volunteer's motivation?
Which areas presented the greatest challenge? (e.g., avoiding advice, asking open questions)
How might this approach improve volunteer retention by helping volunteers find their own solutions?
Community Members
After completing the hypothetical exercise, reflect on the following:
How does using open-ended questions differ from typical conversations with community members?
What new information did you gain about the individual's motivation?
Which areas presented the greatest challenge? (e.g., avoiding advice, asking open questions)
How might this approach improve the ability of your age-friendly team to work alongside older, "hard to reach" community members by helping them find their own solutions?
Click here to complete the final reflection in this chapter and record successful completion of the Age-Friendly Conversations chapter. Note: Clicking will bring you back to where you left off when you completed your last reflection. When you have finished, please click "submit" to record completion of the Partnering chapter.
Additional Resources
Additional Resources
Community Toolbox. Two chapters - Communication to Promote Interest and Participation
We often turn to the Community Toolbox for ideas to help us move age-friendly work forward. The chapter on promoting interest describes communication planning and the various media tools available to engage the community. The chapter on participation includes hints and tips for engaging everyone in your community--from influencers to people impacted by the problem--in your work.
Lifelong Maine Guide to Strategic Communication, Engaging the Media
Lifelong Maine invited a panel of reporters from print and broadcast media in Maine to share hints and tips for engaging the media, including successfully pitching an age-friendly story.
Lifelong Maine. More than Numbers - Data and stories to show outcomes and short-term impact.
This Skill Chapter covers everything about age-friendly data. You'll learn how to collect information that shows the progress you've made and find stories that demonstrate how age-friendly changes have helped your community.
Lifelong Maine. Resources in Action
This Skill Chapter leads you on a journey to discover the many resources in your community, including people with skills, talents, and interests to contribute to your Age-Friendly Community Initiative.
Meet Your Chapter Guide - Patricia Oh, PhD, MSW
Director of Lifelong Maine and Co-Director of the Consortium for Aging Policy Research & Analysis, Dr. Oh is a community-engaged social worker and researcher, working alongside older adults to build more inclusive communities where everyone can thrive.
Her place-based research explores how the social, service, policy, and built environment shape well-being in rural communities. Her work offers insights for creating and strengthening age-friendly, inclusive communities.
Based on her research with communities, Dr. Oh has authored more than a dozen book chapters and articles about aging in community and is the lead author of the award-winning AARP Roadmap to Livability Series and Rural Livability Report. Recent peer-reviewed publications include:
Black, K., & Oh, P. (2022). Assessing age-friendly community progress: What have we learned?. The Gerontologist, 62(1), 6-17.
Black, K., & Oh, P. (2023). Exploring sectoral reach in age-friendly communities. The Gerontologist, 63(5), 920-932.
Black, K., Oh, P., Montepare, J., and Kaye, L. (2024). Leveraging Higher Education in Our Age-Friendly World. Journal of Aging and Social Policy, 1-17. doi: 10.1080/08959420.2024.2384187
Gleason, S.R., Oh, P., Coyle, C. & Somerville, C. (2024). 'They Don't want to Label It': Insights from Communities not Enrolled in the NAFSC. Journal of Aging and Social Policy. doi: 10.1080/08959420.2024.2422660
Greenfield, E. A., Black, K., Oh, P., & Pestine-Stevens, A. (2022). Theories of community collaboration to advance age-friendly community change. The Gerontologist, 62(1), 36-45.
Oh, P., Ciolfi, M. L., & Snow, K. (2025). Extending the Age-Friendly Movement to Long-Term Care. In Health Promotion in Long-Term Care Facilities: The Present Scenario and Future Demands (pp. 181-202). Cham: Springer Nature Switzerland.
Oh, P., Kaye, L., & Parham, L. (2021). Community leaders’ perspective of strategies to enhance social connectedness in rural communities. Innovation in Aging, 5(Suppl 1), 315.
Oh, P. & White, L. (2022). Approaches to Community Supports and Health Services in U.S. Age-Friendly Communities: Focus on Advance Care and End-of-Life Planning. Journal of Aging Life Care, 32(1), 11-17.
During this chapter, we hope you will gain a few tools for finding, engaging, and maintaining healthy partnerships.
If you have any questions as you are going through the material, please email: lifelong@maine.edu.
The Lifelong Maine Skill Building Series was developed as part of the Community Connections project.
Funding for the project was provided through support of the Governor's Cabinet on Aging and Office of Aging and Disability Services.
We are deeply grateful for the funding and for the thought leadership provided by Elizabeth Gattine, Coordinator of the Governor's Cabinet on Aging.
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